""Good morning sweetie," my beautiful wife says to me. We are lying in bed, after a romantic night of making love and cuddling. I touch her beautiful nose, and kiss her right on the cheek. "Time for breakfast" I say romantically. I know what kind of woman you're picturing. Tall, blonde, with giant breasts and a pretty face. But what you might not realize, is that my wife is actually a petite Asian woman. I'm not like most guys - I am very cultured, and know a great deal about the world, and history. I make love to my Asian wife every night; and I wouldn't have it any other way. I head to work, another day at the office to provide for my family. Only when I get there, I overhear a disgusting joke: ".....and then I say to the Chinese lady, I wanted you to check my hair for LICE, not RICE!" Tom and Fred are both laughing, until they see me. "You know we were only joking right?" Yes, of course...that's why I invite them over For Dinner... My wife is out of town that night. When Tom and Fred step into my house I immediately slit their throats and drag their bodies to the bathtub. That evening I bought bleach, saws, and duffel bags in cash at separate hardware stores wearing sunglasses and different outfits so I can't be detected by surveillance. I first cut off their hands and heads and place them inside a duffel bag and smash them repeatedly with a hammer until it's just a big pile of flesh and bone fragments. I make sure to damage the teeth as well so they can't be identified with their dental records. I cut up their bodies at the joints, putting torsos in one bag, arms in another, and legs in a third. I drive to the next state over to bury the heads and hands in the woods, then drive back to bury the legs and arms, making sure to bury them at least 50 miles apart. Finally I drive to the river and added cinder blocks to the torsos bag and dropped them in. When I get back I scrub the inside of my car with bleach and disinfectant and clean the whole house with bleach as well. It was a long night, but I did the right thing. "Good morning," my sweet beautiful wife says. She got in late last night after I had gone to bed. "Good morning, sweetie." Suddenly, she pulls out a pair of handcuffs and chains me to the bed. "You're under arrest!" she says. "But honey! I-I..." "...for being too damn sexy!" she starts making out with me and we make love all morning. "I love you sweetie," I say to her. "I love you too :)"