resume

[[Well, it's just another Saturday night.|start]]

Your name is Robby Leopard. You work for Protein Monster. You are at Houston International Airport. You are boarding a flight to Las Vegas. [[What else is there to know?|saturday]] [[Approach the gate.|gate]]

Your boarding group is being called. A throng of passengers approaches the gate along with you, assembling itself into a line. Suddenly, you become aware of a discomfort—your dick and balls are slightly uncomfortable, being pulled to the left inside your underwear, when they would rather be hanging loosely down. What do you do? [[Nothing|nothing]] [[Adjust|adjust]]

You stick your hand all the way down the front of your jeans and fondle your dick and balls until they are comfortable. Ahh. Then: a middle-aged woman pointing at you and wailing. She is clasping her young daughter back into her legs to protect her. You have touched your dick and balls in public. There is no coming back from this. [[FAILURE|start]]

Soon you are boarding your plane, and taking your seat in first class. You are drinking complimentary champagne and chowing down on some canapés. Oh yeah, this is the life. And yet still, your dick and balls are even more uncomfortable now that you're sitting down. What do you do? [[Adjust|adjust2]] [[Nothing|nothing2]] [[Think about gay sex|sex]]

After the plane takes off, you stick your hand down your pants to try to adjust your dick and balls. Then the turbulance gets really rough while you are doing your adjusting. The oxygen masks come out of the ceiling, and little children are crying. The turbulence is so rough that you tear your dick and balls off while you are messing around with them. Ouch [[FAILURE|start]]

Soon your dick and balls are twisting and twisting, and it's really uncomfotable, but you're doing nothing. They twist and twist and twist and then you are suffering from testicular torsion, which messes up your dick forever. That sucks [[FAILURE|start]]

The plane is taking off. You are thinking about big black cocks stuffing into tight little gay white assholes, and suddenly your dick is stiffening. Wow, because your dick is getting hard, it is way less uncomfortable than it was earlier, curled up to the left. However, you are now horny. What will you do? [[Go to the bathroom to jack off|bathroom]] [[Do nothing|nothing3]]

You are crying like a baby for help in this airplane bathroom, shaking as the tremens takes hold of your body. Soon a flight attendant is forcefully unlocking the door, and dragging you out. At this point you black out. Later, in the hospital, you shaking and shaking and thinking this is the end. They can't treat your alcohol withdrawal with diazepam because you are also addicted to benzos. You just have to ride this one out. After a whole day of shaking and hallucinating and feeling like you are going to die, you are sleeping like a baby. Some time after you wake up, you are talking to a case worker who is going to help you with your next steps. You are going to a detox facility near the Jersey shore, where you are going to wait out the next 36 hours to make sure you don't have a seizure and die. At the detox facility, you are mostly zonked out on anti-seizure drugs, but you remember having some conversations with other addicts of various things: a meth-smoking gay prostitute, a heroin-injecting Bushwick-based furniture builder, a litigator who has done this for alcohol 5 times now. After a few days of eating pancakes and listening to podcasts, you are called into an office where it is someone's job to decide what is to be done with you. You end up going to an expensive rehab facility in rural Pennsylvania. At the facility, you meet a lot of crazy characters, write letters to home, and have some therapeutic breakthroughs. Pretty soon you are discharged. Soon after, you find a wife, and have a family of beautiful children, and you all live in a big house together. Life never tasted so sweet. Except you have to be sober now, which kind of sucks. [[FAILURE|start]]

Now you are in the bathroom, ready to jack off your hard dick. When suddenly, you look in the mirror, and realize something: you are a huge alcohol and benzo addict, and you couldn't have any this morning, so now you are in withdrawal. Your legs are buckling under you and your dick is no longer hard. What do you do? [[Collapse and piss and shit youself|piss]] [[Do nothing|nothing4]]

Your dick is rock hard in your airplane seat while you are thinking about gay sex. Then, a handsome older gentleman takes the empty seat beside you. He says hey and asks if you want to have sex with him and you say yes and so you both go to the airplane bathroom. But it turns out he is an air marshall and this is a sting for gay people who try to have sex on airplanes. Then you are being arrested for trying to have gay sex on an airplane. Your life is ruined. [[FAILURE|start]]

Soon you are writhing on the ground with piss and shit in your pants, which is way more uncomfortable than your dick being positioned weirdly. You are crying and pissing and shitting, and you don't know what to do. [[Call for help|rehab]] [[Do nothing|nothing5]]

In attempting to do nothing, you hold all the piss and shit and vomit inside of you as hard as you can. Soon, you are dead. Sorry [[FAILURE|start]]

You do nothing but lie there with piss and shit in your pants and also you vomited a bit. Sometimes people are knocking on the bathroom door trying to get in but there's nothing you can do. Eventually the plane lands and you clean yourself up. A bunch of the fancy people in first class have pissed and shit themselves because they couldn't go to the bathroom because you were in there, but that's not your problem. Now you are in Las Vegas. [[Time to hit the tables.|casino]]

Soon you are at a roulette table. You've got $10,000 in chips or whatever, and you are ready to bet it all. What's it going to be, big boy? [[Put it all on black|black]] [[Put it all on red|red]]

Just then, a sniper bullet completely penetrates and destroys your brain and skull. You are dead and bleeding and also you didn't win your big bet. [[FAILURE|start]]

(link: "Jackpot.")[(goto-url: '/jackpot')]