Opinion

9/11 was nothing compared to this.

Dardden Dresdner

9/11 was nothing compared to this. The year is 2034. Terrorists have just attacked the united states of america. They hijacked many planes, and sprayed biological weapons out of them. Millions of people have died. There's no time to think. I am the lead special agent at the CIA. I am an analyst but am highly trained in hand-to-hand combat, weapons, explosives, stealth, and guerilla warfare. And I think I know who did this. The Russian president has been upset with our president, because of a trade agreement-- it will sink his businesses. He was the only one who could have hatched such a plan. The head of the CIA is yelling at me and doesn't think I'm right. well, maybe that's because the head of the CIA is in cahoots with the russian president. the only thing i needed was the evidence to prove it I go to Russia to collect evidence, and what do I find: a letter from the head of the CIA to the Russian president, conveniently telling him the times and locations of various planes. It all made sense Just then a beautiful woman looks over at me-- she seduces me, and we go back to the hotel. the only problem? she was a spy. As if I didn't know that. I quickly have sex with her and then sprint out of the room as soon as I cum, so she can't do anything to me. The only thing left to do? Reveal the plot to the President, and kill the Russian president, AND the head of the CIA. It was very hard, but in the end, I pulled it off, and now I am retired. But I am never not haunted by what might have been, had theose Americans not been killed. Every one of those Americans would have gone on to have a family, and who knows what they might have done as well. A cure for cancer, an end to world hunger, the love of my life-- they all may have been among the rubble and ashes that lay before the mountains and valleys of this great land of the free and home of the brave that we once called home-- and still do. Perhaps one day, I will meet those people, in heaven...and when I do, I will simply say: "Thank you."

Dardden Dresdner is editor-in-chief of Protein Monster.